Divorced mother of 4 learns her mom invited her ex-husband, his new wife and her former MIL for coffee despite his accusations that she was a 'bad mother': 'I haven't talked to her since'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Oct 6, 2026 2:30 PM EDT

Inviting someone for coffee is a harmless invitation. The idea involves a few people sitting around a table and catching up on life. The invitation gets harder to accept when the host is your mother and the guests are your ex-husband, his new wife, and his new mother-in-law. And not to mention that he has also been telling people you were a bad mother. 

A mother of four adult children in her 50s shared this story on Reddit under the username Top-Ambassador4180. Her mother, who is in her 70s, invited the ex-husband and his current family over for coffee. When her daughter objected, she pointed out that he was still the father of 4 of her grandchildren. That is true, but it is also true that the father ended the marriage with her daughter abruptly and accused her of neglecting both her children and his needs, when she had given up her job and career to raise four children. The children now spend time with her daily and have much less contact with him. Apparently, none of that matters to the grandmother. 

After arguing with her mother, the divorced mom stopped speaking to her and began ignoring her calls. Her mother can invite anyone over to her house; that's a fact. But it's also a choice. And choices have consequences. Having a civil relationship with your daughter's ex-husband is one thing, and inviting him and his new family over is another. You choose which side you're standing on.  

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  • A mother of 4 feels blindsided by her mom's invitation to her ex who called her a bad mother.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    A mother of 4 feels blindsided by her mom's invitation to her ex who called her a bad mother.

    Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.

  • AITA for being mad at my mother for inviting my ex-husband, his current wife and my ex mother in law for a coffee?

    My mother is old (70s) but had a good relationship with my ex husband and was friendly (not quite friends) with my ex mother in law.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • I am in my 50s and have 4 adult children with my ex. My mother told me she invited my ex husband, his current wife and my ex mother in law for a coffee/tea at her place. I was
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • obviously gobsmacked given that my ex and I did not have a good divorce and my mother knows what he has been saying about me to people. I got
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • mad at her and told her that what in the word was she thinking? I understand maybe inviting my ex but his current wife? We got into a fight and I haven't talked to her since and have been ignoring her calls.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • Her reasoning was that she does have a good relationship with all her children's exes and that he is the father of four of her grandchildren after all. I'm actually
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • A mother invites her daughter's ex-husband over for coffee, and her daughter stops talking to her.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    A mother invites her daughter's ex-husband over for coffee, and her daughter stops talking to her. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • very hurt. I shared this with my friend and she said that it's my mother's house and she can invite whoever she wants. This got me thinking if I'm maybe being dramatic over this whole
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • situation. My friend was also good friends with my ex husband so I want to know a third person's opinion on this matter.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • So my husband divorced me out of nowhere. No prior fight, no nothing. Just one day he decided he wanted to divorce me. Even at the proceedings he didn't give a proper reason.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • He has been telling our mutual friends and family that I was a bad mother and neglected his needs. He is a very traditional man and wouldn't get a glass of water by himself. And I was a
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • stay at home mom of 4 kids. The kids are very close in age (a year or two apart). I dropped everything, my job, career for my kids. My adult kids also
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • hangs out with me on the daily now but does not talk much with my ex so I don't understand how I am a bad mother when none of my kids have said it.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • A mother in her 70s stays friendly with the father of her 4 grandchildren despite knowing that his marriage to her daughter ended badly.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    A mother in her 70s stays friendly with the father of her 4 grandchildren despite knowing that his marriage to her daughter ended badly.

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding. 

  • He's also telling people that I should give him back all the money he spent on me while we were married (he is struggling financially now) also talking
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • + also about the current wife, I have no personal issue with her. She's not ride to me or my kids. This is the second woman he has been with since our
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • divorce. He got together with her 3-4 months after our divorce so I can't say that he was cheating on me with her or not.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • Edit #2: ok I'm adding another edit to add more information: my mother has a very social life. She has lots of friends and family that's over constantly. I live next door so I am over all the time as well. There's almost never a time where people aren't over. My mother also has
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • a lot of pen pals she's on the phone with. I have deliberately not moved away just so my mother is close enough if she needs me.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • My ex husband and my divorce finalized in January 2025. He got remarried in September 2025. My ex also badmouthed our children in court just to portray me as a bad mother. I shared all of this with my mother. And she knows this.
    via Top-Ambassador4180
  • Jodenaje NTA There's having a decent, polite, civil relationship with the father of your grandchildren. And there's inviting him, his new wife, and his mother over to hang out. Especially when the grand"kids" are all adults. You made your choice mom. And sometimes choices have consequences.
    via Jodenaje
  • West-Veterinarian-53 My child is my ride or di . If someone hurt her or she doesn't like someone, they're de d to me. So no I don't you're overreacting. NTA.
    via West-Veterinarian-53

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family drama mother daughter relationships family boundaries divorce motherdaughter ex husband
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